If He Won’t Step Up… Check His Testosterone, Not His Astrology.
- Tam
- 10 hours ago
- 5 min read
Let’s talk about it.
Let’s go there.
Let’s snatch bonnets, lace fronts, and delusions.
Because women…married or single…are out here frustrated, disappointed, confused, and spiritually aggravated like:
“Why won’t he step up?”
“Why won’t he pursue me?”
“Why is he so passive?”
“Why is he moving like a damp napkin?”
Baby…
Put your hand on your womb.
Take a deep breath.
Because the truth is about to set you free:
Some of these men DO NOT have the hormonal capacity to act like the man you THINK you’re dating or married to.
This isn’t shade.
This is SCIENCE + SPIRITUALITY + COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Testosterone = Masculine Initiative, Pursuit, Leadership, Drive, Protection, Action
And when it’s low?
He doesn’t have the biochemical FIRE to:
pursue you
initiate conversations
lead the family
make decisions
protect emotionally
commit fully
take action
express desire
show confidence
or even handle conflict like a grown man
You’re expecting KING behavior from a man with LOW testosterone.
And 2024–2025 research is showing this loud and clear.
✔ Men with high testosterone seek, gain, and HOLD leadership roles
Study: Harvard Kennedy School… men with higher testosterone + lower stress hormones held higher-status positions.
✔ Testosterone is linked to dominance, initiative, pursuit, and leadership
Study: Meta-analysis + field study (van der Meij et al.)
These studies basically say:
If he doesn’t have testosterone… he doesn’t have initiative. Period.
You’re asking him to climb a mountain with a phone battery at 2%.
YOU have a full womb battery.
HE is running on factory settings and poor diet.
CASE STUDY 1: THE HUSBAND WHO WON’T TAKE THE TRASH OUT
She’s frustrated.
She’s yelling.
She’s praying.
She’s doing devotionals.
Meanwhile… his testosterone level is 221, and he’s fighting for his LIFE just getting off the couch.
She thinks he’s ignoring her.
I’m telling you…
He biologically can’t initiate anything but a nap.
CASE STUDY 2: THE BOYFRIEND WHO’S “NOT READY TO COMMIT”
She’s been loyal for 4 years.
He might propose.
He might not.
He might book a flight with the boys.
He might forget to text back for 2 days.
She thinks he’s emotionally unavailable.
NO.
His testosterone level is 155, and his cortisol is high enough to fry chicken.
His body is literally in low-power mode.
You want masculine direction?
He’s just trying to get through Tuesday.
CASE STUDY 3: THE SINGLE GUY WHO TALKS BUT NEVER PLANS A DATE
You matched with him.
He says he likes you.
He sends memes.
But planning a date?
Being intentional?
Pursuing?
Nada.
You think he’s playing games.
Girl… his testosterone is the same level as a stressed house cat.
He WANTS you.
But internally his hormones are whispering:
“Let’s just stay home and scroll.”
The masculine pursuit circuitry?
Offline.
IT’S NOT NORMAL AND IT’S NOT YOU!
Women are out here thinking:
“My husband doesn’t love me enough.”
“Men don’t court anymore.”
“Why am I always the leader in this relationship?”
“Where are the masculine men?”
“Why am I attracting passive men?”
But girl…
**We are inside a global low-testosterone crisis.
Not a dating crisis.
Not a marriage crisis.
A hormone crisis.**
You’re asking him for things his body CANNOT produce.
Sometimes it’s HIM.
Sometimes it’s YOU.
And sometimes… it’s both of you carrying stories and attachments that don’t belong in the space where life is supposed to enter.
Book your Couple Fertility Reading here:
This reading reveals the unseen: the connections, the blockages, the womb messages, the ancestral messages, and the energetic realities behind your fertility journey.
SIGNS HIS TESTOSTERONE IS TOO LOW TO SHOW UP FOR YOU
he avoids hard conversations
he’s indecisive
he doesn’t initiate sex
he doesn’t plan dates
he shuts down emotionally
he’s always tired
he has low drive (in life—not just bedroom)
he procrastinates
he lacks ambition
he avoids leadership roles
he gets overwhelmed quickly
he’s passive in conflict
he’s disconnected or apathetic
he doesn’t protect or pursue
This is NOT all his fault even though some need more help than on a biological level.
This is biochemistry.
WHAT WOMEN NEED TO STOP DOING
Stop personalizing his hormonal limitations.
Stop taking responsibility for his lack of initiative.
Stop carrying the masculine AND feminine labor.
Stop thinking you can love him into leadership.
Stop thinking “if he wanted to, he would.”
BABY… he might WANT to.
He just can’t.
His testosterone is too low for the behavior you’re expecting.
THE REALITY CHECK THAT WILL FREE YOU
Women are out here frustrated with men who are literally running on:
poor diet
high stress
no sleep
porn addiction
no sunlight
low muscle mass
high estrogen
burnout
zero supplementation
and testosterone levels of a sleepy toddler
And you’re asking for:
pursuit
protection
leadership
decisiveness
commitment
emotional presence
consistency
This is not EQUALLY yoked.
This is YOU yoked.
He’s somewhere dragging the yoke behind him.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THIS INFORMATION?
If you’re married:
Encourage him to get labs without shame, without ego, without making it a fight.
When his hormones get balanced, YOUR life gets easier.
Your relationship gets smoother.
The emotional labor you’ve been doing alone? Cut in HALF.
If you’re single:
Stop settling for men who literally do not have the hormonal capacity to show up for you.
You’re asking for action from a man who barely has the juice to get out of bed with intention.
Look for behaviors, not vibes.
Look for initiative, not potential.
Look for capacity, not chemistry.
If you’re dating casually:
Do not internalize male passivity as a sign you’re not worthy.
You’re not being ignored, his hormones are.
It’s biology, not rejection.
Some of these men are fighting for their hormonal lives, not your attention.
AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WOKE ME UP TO ALL THIS…
A wellness nurse practitioner straight up told me she had:
a 25-year-old man come in with a testosterone level of 100
a 30-something-year-old man with a testosterone level of 200
And when she said 100, I froze because GIRL…
I’m damn near at 100 as a woman 👀
So I started researching.
And baby… the studies, the labs, the case reports, the science?
My jaw dropped.
My spirit guides tapped me on the shoulder like, “You seeing this?”
My womb said, “This explains EVERYTHING.”
That’s when it clicked:
Women are expecting masculine behavior from men who are hormonally running on fumes.
This isn’t just a dating crisis.
This isn’t just “men don’t try anymore.”
This isn’t just “why won’t he step up?”
This is a low-testosterone epidemic and nobody warned us.
But now you know the truth.
And once you know better… your boundaries, standards, and expectations shift QUICK.
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